I should be spending time writing a bunch of articles on what to do in Asia, but thought it would be quick and fun to run down a list of things not to do based on some of the (somewhat ridiculous) experiences I’ve had.

1- Don’t take English translations of the food too seriously!

Exhibit A – Fish goes rotten at the dip

Exhibit B – with odor please

Exhibit C – Deer penis? Wait, maybe this one is for real

2- Don’t do something adventurous or dangerous if your guide/pilot/coach doesn’t speak a basic amount of English!

In Wan Li northern Taiwan I went for paragliding at several thousand meters high with unobstructed views.

I was in good company and looking forward to it. Seeing so many people doing it out my mind at ease and everything looked legit.

It starts off with getting hooked up to a certified coach. You typically run down a cliff and then start gliding as you catch the wind. Except, I slipped and fell (of course I would). The made a gesture to get up and keep running so I did. In all the frenzy of getting back up and running quickly I was so glad when we made it up in the air. But my joy was short lived as I started getting yelled at loudly in Chinese. The yelling went on for a good three minutes and I was convinced I was going to die. I just didn’t know when and why. We then started to drift down towards the ocean when most people typically just circled the mountains and landed back there. If I had any doubt that something was not right, this just sealed it. The view though….was amazing.

Shortly after the frustrated coach started kicking and suddenly a seat opened up under me and I was now sitting very comfortably enjoying the views. The yelling stopped. I got it, he just wanted me to sit and enjoy the view!

You know that time when you’re doing something scary to death and you look into the go pro camera and pretend like you’re having a great time and you’re not one bit scared? That’s this pic right here below.

3- Don’t try stinky tofu. 

You may be an adventurous eater like I am. You may want to give everything a try at least once. This is a good one to pass on if in doubt. When they say stinky tofu, they mean stinky tofu. Nothing got lost in translation here. Do not confuse this with smelly tofu. You will basically have to deal with the smell/taste of the sewers while eating and then after done eating and then again once you get back home. It doesn’t taste too bad and some people swear it’s delicious – but only if you can get past the smell that fills your throat and nostrils. I couldn’t.

4- Don’t try to go to a gay bar in Japan if you don’t fall clearly into a specific type. 

Let me explain. My first Saturday night there I decided to explore Shinjuku, Tokyo’s gay area. Shinjuku is known to have very small bars and lots of them, about 200! Due to the fact that most of these bars are tiny and can hold about a maximum of 12 people, they tend to be very specialized and cater to a very specific clientele.

So I started at a bear bar where I was very kindly told that I wasn’t a bear.

I then headed to the bar next door which was supposedly a twink bar. I got rejected there too as I wasn’t twinky.

Then I went into a random third bar which looked very local. Before I got even close enough to figure out what kind of bar it was I saw a sign that read: No foreigners allowed

Unfortunately, I didn’t quite have my Japanese look on so I didn’t even bother asking if I could go in. But being quite persistent I decided to try a club. I waited in line for a few minutes and was told that I could go in, but I had to come back in sweatpants without underwear – it was a special party!

Moving on, I passed the daddies bar and ended up disappointed at the foreigner bar where I was accepted and mingled with a couple of French guys and a British guy. Not my idea of going local in Tokyo…

5- Don’t call Taiwan a country when talking to anyone from Mainland China.

Let’s not get not into politics it’s not that kinda blog. Just don’t do it. But if you care to learn more about it read about Taiwan here.

6- Don’t call a Taiwanese person Chinese, in Taiwan

Don’t do it the other way either!

7- Don’t take the subway in Beijing at rush hour.

No joke here. Unless you enjoy discovering what canned tuna feels like, this is another adventure you can pass on. I don’t think I’ve ever been more thankful that I’m 6ft1 (186cm) so I had a little bit of breathing room until…we got to our destination and it was a free for all. Beijing and China in general truly teaches you the meaning of survival of the fittest. Hesitate for a second and you’re out.

8- Don’t carry Durian with you on the subway in Singapore.

For those of you who don’t know what Durian is, here’s a picture of the stinky fruit.

Luckily I did not do this but I found it too funny not to be included in this list. This country is obsessively clean and anal with its rules. This was one of my favorites.

9- Don’t go to a country where a deadly contagious disease has been spreading.

A few days before I was headed to Seoul there was a breakout of MERS. I figured I didn’t want to panic easily and it was just a few cases so I decided to go through with the plan. This wasn’t a smart idea because considering Asia’s population density, there are logical fears that viruses can spread at lightening speed. I ended up not enjoying it much because it just felt risky going to crowded and touristy places. I spent way more time in the hotel to avoid the risk. On the plus side though, I got pics like this one.

10- Don’t confuse indigenous tribal culture with a sex shop.

I couldn’t find a tenth one but I thought I would sneak in this fun fact.

The aboriginals believe that your chances of getting a boy will increase if you put these in your living room.