My first ever “travel alone” trip was to East Asia and started in Taiwan. I was excited about the nature and the food that I had heard about from some Taiwanese people I knew as well as from Anthony Bourdain’s show. I was also looking forward to all the muscle guys. In my head it looked a bit like this except it wasn’t Xmas and I don’t have a full head of white hair (yet!).

My journey from Lebanon to Taiwan would have me stop in Dubai. 8 hours later off the Emirates plane I headed into the city of Taipei that seemed so old on the outside yet so modern and hip on the inside. Immediately the people seemed polite and friendly. I liked it.

I arrived at the hotel around 11 pm surprisingly energetic and decided that I wanted to go out and explore. I grabbed some cash (just cash and my phone) and off I went to a gay hot spring I had seen recommended on a website. This would be my first venture to a hot spring and my first time to a gay place that wasn’t a gay bar.

I got in a cab that drove me 45 mins into the mountains. When we finally arrived, I handed him money but he wouldn’t take it. I couldn’t understand why and he didn’t speak any English. I kept repeating “bu dong” which I think means “I don’t understand” but that wasn’t helping. After turning on my phone’s flashlight I realized that I was trying to give him Japanese Yen. I had exchanged money prior to my trip for all the countries I was going to visit and I guess I confused Taiwanese dollars with Yen.
I managed to hand-signal my way into asking him to exchange the money for me. He was a patient chap and we finally got things sorted.

It had gotten later and later into the night and I couldn’t wait to get in. I had to find the place that had this on the door.

Side note: this is no longer a gay hot spring.

I found it and paid and was given a towel that barely reached the lower part of my genitals. I guess at 1m87 (6’1″) I’m a little taller than the average Taiwanese guy.
Kind of nervous, I took all my clothes off and put them in a box. The box wasn’t locked but I was told this country was quite safe and I was too tired to care. A year later after visiting a different hot spring I realized these were actually for shoes, not clothes.

I went in and the place looked nice. Not fancy, but clean. Everyone was looking around but no inappropriate touching went on. I felt weird when people looked at me, but it wasn’t because I was the only non-Asian guy. Maybe this was just pressure I put on myself, but I could imagine all the guys disappointed in this foreigner who didn’t live up to the large penis expectations. Even though I’m quite proud of what I have 1) I’m a grower and 2) this was my first time naked in public and I had shrinkage, major major shrinkage (remember that Seinfeld episode??).

I didn’t let it get to me and enjoyed my time there until I realized it was getting late and there were only one or two other people there. I got up, showered, put the mini towel on and went outside the room to get my clothes. Except……there were no clothes….or money….or my phone…or the hotel room key. I hated myself. How could I not have asked about lockers? I could understand the phone being stolen but why would the thief also take my clothes!? If you’ve ever seen the discovery channel show Naked and Afraid, this was exactly how I felt. I was jet-lagged and tired and now completely without clothes, money, or a phone.

I went outside in my little skirtlet of a towel and tried to talk to the lady at the counter where I paid. She wasn’t there anymore! I waited 10…15…20 minutes and she finally showed up! But she spoke no English. None. Zero.

I asked her for a pen and wrote down the hotel name on a piece of paper. “Wo yao qu” I said and pointed to the paper. At least the couple of sentences I had learned in Chinese ended up being useful and she seemed to understand I wanted to go there.

I could sense she wanted to help but just didn’t know what to do other than show me the way out. Just then, a guy came passing by. She told him something in Chinese, pointed at me, and showed him my paper. “Hello, I’m Andrew” he said. He spoke English! I explained my situation to him and he translated it all for the lady. He confirmed that she didn’t have any clue where my stuff went.

With no other options left, I asked Andrew if he would get me to my hotel and I promised him that I would pay him generously for it. He agreed and I walked my semi naked self with him to his very typical Taiwanese scooter. He told me he lived nearby and could get me a tshirt. The guy was a small dude and even though he got me the biggest tshirt he had it ended up reaching my belly button when I wore it. I wasn’t sure if I looked more or less ridiculous at this point, but I figured I’d rather not go back into my hotel shirtless.

I had never been on a scooter before and Andrew could probably tell by how hard I squeezed him as we went down the mountain. I don’t think he could have ever imagined riding with a Lebanese American guy wearing a towel and holding on to him for dear life. I definitely understood that night what girls go through when wearing a skirt on a windy day. Andrew was very cool about it and we talked about why I was in Taiwan and my planned trip around Asia seemed to fascinate him.

As we made it to the hotel, I started prepping myself thoroughly for the embarrassment I was about to face. This was a boutique hotel in the bustling Ximending. This was not a hotel by the pool or the beach or in any way a place you show up in half a beach towel and half a tshirt.

I asked for an extra room key as my cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. I sped toward the elevator completely ignoring any human beings around me. I could sense the stares and the laughs, but I had to pretend I couldn’t.

Up the elevator and into the room I quickly grabbed a generous amount of money, dressed up in proper clothing, and went back down.

Andrew thanked me for what seemed like hours for the money and said he couldn’t accept it, but I insisted.

I walked back in and the hotel staff seemed surprisingly nice about the whole incident. They asked if everything was ok and if I liked some hot tea to warm up. I didn’t need any tea, what I did need though was some alone time with my funky futuristic toilet so I could piece together the remaining few bits of dignity I had left.

This thing was amazing. The seat heats up as it senses you getting on it. The jets can come at you in many different directions and I was pretty sure one of those 20 buttons would give me a back massage or maybe brush my teeth. If you have the money to waste do yourself a favor and buy yourself one of these simple pleasures in life. You will not want to use the regular toilet ever again.

The next morning I got up and started planning where to go buy a new phone. Before I headed out, the phone rang. It was Andrew. He told me he called the hot spring place again and they told him they had my stuff and it was apparently misplaced by someone who thought I had left. I was too happy to care about what happened. I was back in business! Andrew brought me back all my stuff that afternoon and called me about 4 more times after that day to thank me for the money. Best money ever spent.

I had to wonder though…if all this happened on just day 1, how was the rest of my trip gonna go? Secretly, I knew I loved the adventure and couldn’t wait to see what would come next.